


Son of Satan

by alwaysyourqueen



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-03-14 19:58:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3423644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysyourqueen/pseuds/alwaysyourqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yukio Okumura is tested every day to see if he has Satan's flames. It took only one positive to wreck the world around him.</p><p>Demon!Yukio, probably going to be shipless except perhaps some implied later.</p><p>CURRENTLY WILL NOT BE UPDATING.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Every Day

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter is going to be switching off the point of view. All first person is Yukio, and third person will switch between different people relevant to the current chapter.

I took the test again today. Just like every day.

I ran again today. Just like every day.

I ate the food Rin made me again today. Just like every day.

Everything was the same as every day today. Except one very important thing. My results were different.

It was a tiny blip that was the size of a mountain to me. A tiny blip of the transcript of my test that made my heart stop.

All it took was the tiny blip on my results to decide I had Satan's fire. A tiny blip of the chemical results of the flames in my cells. All of them, at the same time, had begun and finished.

I wasn't awake yet. But flames were there. Waiting to be ignited.

Today, I began the second stage of paranoia. Yesterday, my paranoia had rested in everything about Rin and his safety. And my tests. Today, my paranoia was about myself for once. I didn't know anything about my own flames. I knew I had more power than Rin did, or at least I had honed all that was available to humans. He had more raw, untapped power. Even in his training he was still unleashing too much or not enough. If I tried, I could control myself. But I was scared. I could lose control, and I would hurt more people than my kindhearted big brother could. Even possessed by his flames.

I opted out of teaching today, told Rin I was sick, and instructed that I be left alone until curfew. I sat on my bed, holding in all the emotion I wanted to release. Everyone who came near me would be as good as dead. My students, my coworkers, my own brother who I promised - I promised with all my soul - to protect. Now that promise was tainted with my inability to ensure I wouldn't be the threat to my brother that I was meant to stop myself.

I finally let Rin in, faked a small cough to convince him I was sick, and climbed into bed. I didn't have an appetite. I sat there, eyes unable to see without my glasses, and stared at the open space above me.

When I was sure Rin was asleep, I closed my eyes and tears streamed down the side of my head until the comfort of the bed and the exhaustion of emotion didn't let me stay awake.

And now today is tomorrow, but tomorrow is today. Every day would be terrible. Worse than before, where it'd already been torturous.

I went back to teaching my class, and made sure none of them saw me shudder. I remembered how they'd all cringed when they'd found out their good friend Rin Okumura was son of Satan and held the blue flames. On top of that, their teacher? How would they put up with those who were related to someone who had caused them pain longer? I didn't expect them to.

No one noticed my hand trembling as I held up my gun for target practice. They were faux billets for Rin to practice with while the rest of the class studied, and he was supposed to hit as many of them with Kurikara as he could manage. When he unsheathed it, I flinched. At this point, I nearly believed that I would burst into flames along with him. I didn't, thank God.

I shot at him, twelve times in ten seconds precisely for two minutes. He didn't miss a single target. This was the result of all his training, all the time he'd spent honing his speed, his strength, and his focus with his flames. He would tell it to me as often as possible. "Nii-san, look how much better I've gotten after the candle stuff. Bet I'll be paladin yet."

Yeah. If I'm there to see it, I'll be the proudest twin brother there is.

I wondered what it would be like to have to train my flames without a sheathe, without a private Gehenna Gate to summon them through. Rin found it hard enough like it already was, and I would have no way to curb myself if I started losing myself to Gehenna. It was almost as if I were the one destined for Satan's arms, and Rin was just a decoy.

What a joke I was.

I wondered what it would be like if I unleashed my flames and my ears and teeth became like Rin's. All of my colleagues would look down to me, fear me, or both. I doubt my students would be able to look me in the eye or raise a hand. Or respect me. And rightly so.

My entire life started revolving around detachment again. I couldn't get emotionally involved in anything, lest my flames would show themselves when I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure when I'd be ready, but it certainly wasn't now.

I don't know if Rin suspected anything. Certainly he didn't say anything. But Shura did. She said to me, "Four eyes, you need to get out of your head sometimes." She didn't know for sure, I don't think. She would've been a lot more forward about it if she did.

It was four full, long months later until I was on a solo mission, just some doctor work on the outskirts of the city. Nothing too bad. But I found a demon, one that preyed on subconscious fear. That was a bad choice for me to fight.

I fought for a little over 20 minutes before the drugs wafting off of it were dulling my senses and alerting my mind. "You can't control it," it sounded like my head was saying, "Why don't you just let it out before it breaks out on its own?"

I beat it back, trying to continue to eliminate the beast. It wasn't working.

I blacked out.


	2. Burn, Baby, Burn

Rin hadn't heard from Yukio in nearly six hours. He shouldn't worry, his brother was a capable exorcist. But he did anyways. He'd seemed on edge, especially during training. Whether it was on his own behalf of his brother's was the mystery.

That was when his phone buzzed win a text message from Shura. Five words.

"You need to see this."

It was followed by an address. It reminded him of Yukio's mission loc- it hit him that it was Yukio's mission location. Oh no. He had to fear not the worst but something bad.

He actually ran directly there. He couldn't wait for a carpool from Mephisto, or for anyone to ask him what was going on. He just booked it to the place he'd been told to.

He got there and saw a large perimeter around the location, holy water bombs, and every other weapon available to exorcists.

He barked at the exorcist, some of them even upper class, "What's going on? Where's my brother?"

A simple finger point answered his question.

Yukio was engulfed by blue flames and looked massive. Terrifying.

He had turned into what Rin nearly had at the amusement park. But in Yukio's case…he was carrying a body. A young woman, hopefully one that'd been living alone, was rended on the ground before the younger Okumura sibling.

"Ready to throw the stabilization combo?" A voice said behind Rin.

"Yessir, it should put him under long enough to bring him to the isolation ward."

Without hesitation, Rin unsheathed the Kurikara and bolted into Yukio's inferno. Despite the anger of his brother's emotion, the way he was lashing out at everything, Rin threw his arms around his twin brother and pulled him to his knees. "I'm sorry, nii-san." It took about a minute for the demon to calm down and revert to a recognizable form. A form that was sobbing his eyes out and only supporting himself on his brother, but then promptly lost consciousness.

"Get him to a hospital!" Rin shouted at the useless exorcists who had merely watched. "Right now!!" he belted as loud as possible before re-sheathing his blade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the shortness. This chapter was mostly to fill in the events between chapters 1 and 3.


	3. Don't Look At Me

I woke up who-knows-how-many hours later in the hospital. Sitting next to my bed was Rin and Mephisto. They were talking quietly. Probably about me. My face felt wet, and I went to clean it off when I realized my wrists and ankles were bound to the bed.

"You're awake," Rin commented, not looking directly at me. I didn't know what's happened, but it had to be bad. He was staring somewhere around my midsection, trying not to make eye contact.

"Nii-san, please let m-"

"Do what, Yukio? Apologize to the girl you killed? Tell us about how this is all some mistake? Lie about your stupid test results one more time, just for kicks?"

His voice was angry and rightly so. But the girl I killed. I killed someone? Had the flames made me… I even muttered out loud, "I killed someone?"

Mephisto nodded. "A girl about twenty years old. I believe she was actually one of your clients for your doctoring work down there."

Rin was clenching his fists, and I shut my eyes. Mephisto was almost amused, if I had to guess by his tone and his attitude.

"We'll leave you to your own devices now that we know your mind and your body are intact." That was Mephisto's voice, naturally.

I killed someone. Someone innocent. Someone who was just…there when I couldn't control my flames anymore. I had ended someone's life, and I still dared to call myself an exorcist.

It was two more days until I was allowed without the straps to my bed during the day. My room was isolated, and they only let me talk through a bulletproof (and hopefully flame-proof) window in my room.

Rin came to see me on day 5. He didn't look like he'd slept at all since I'd lost control.

"Nii-san, I-"

"Don't talk. I just wanted to tell you that there's a substitute teacher for your exorcist classes, and you've been excused long-term from normal school due to a family emergency."

I was quiet through this whole thing.

"Only your students, Mephisto, the bastard, and the exorcists who were at the scene know about your flames." He paused. "And Shura. She agreed not to report it to the Vatican unless you become a threat again."

"…Thank you, nii-san."

"They're also putting you on some meds. Anxiety, depression, and sleeping pills. They should help you like my ADHD ones do."

I stayed quiet this time. Rin wasn't looking at me. He was acting as if he were just reporting facts. I didn't want to force him.

"I need to go to practice with Shura. She'll probably come visit you tomorrow."

He stood up and left.

I'd never taken regular medication before, except when I was sick. I guess this feeling was being sick. The feeling I got whenever I noticed my reflection on the metal door. I stared into my own eyes, and I didn't see myself. I wasn't anything. I didn't deserve this - to be around these people - who I tormented with just my presence.

"Talking" to Shura the next day wasn't even really talking. I started talking to her and went quiet, trying not to cry.

"I guess I was right after all, four eyes, that there was something going on with you. Got all fired up, eh?" But it only took one look for her to sober up and stop trying to joke with me. I was semi-thankful that she had tried.

"I'll be back to see you when I get a chance, and after they open up your room for visitors again."

That night I cried. I had lost everything because I had been proud enough to believe I could control the thing that I now belonged to.


	4. Mixed Feelings

Everyone was silent for the first ten minutes. No teacher showed up until after that. Rin for once looked dead serious, focusing on a small speck. A mark someone had made on the floor. It was just a way to keep himself busy.

Bon looked like he might burst into flames himself if provoked. This was the most perturbed he'd been since the day he'd first seen Rin's flames himself. He hadn't seen Yukio, but he'd heard the elder Okumura's recounting of when Yukio had lost control. It was so infuriating. The whole situation.

Izumo and Paku were together in that they still wanted only their actual teacher to teach them. Not some substitute. Scared of Yukio? Maybe. Enough to want to be away from him, his lessons, and his company? No way in hell.

Koneko and Shima didn't know what to make of it. They were just scared. Scared of what's happening. Scared of losing someone else - another friend.

Shiemi…just didn't want to lose Yukio. She'd known him for years, ever since he became an exorcist. She had known Rin a much shorter time, and she'd already forgiven his being the son of Satan and having his flames. Was it the same with Yukio…when he'd killed someone because he was out of control? Could it be the same if they knew blood was on his hands? She wanted to just forget about it, but nobody would. Nobody could. Somebody had died because of Yukio and forgetting that was impossible. But at the same time, fighting for things to be the way they were; was that okay?

Rin…wasn't okay.

No one was.

The lesson was completely silent. No one talked. No one raised their hands. No one answered questions. The entire room felt like it was at a standstill.

The teacher talked monotonically through their whole lecture. It was pointless, boring, and not half what they needed.

About halfway through, Bon slammed his fists down on the desk, his expression angry as all hell. "Dammit, I'm not putting up with this crap. I don't care if Okumura-sensei did lose it and kill someone, he's still our friend and still deserves a chance to talk to us."

The rest of the room was suddenly alert and watching Bon stand up and get ready to leave. This was a drastic change from when they'd found out Rin had the blue flames.

"If any of you idiots want to come with me, I'm heading to Okumura-sensei's room in the hospital." And with that he left the room, walking with a purpose.

Slowly but surely, the rest of the class stood to follow. Next after Bon, was immediately Shima and Koneko. They followed Ryuji, of course, and would be completely ready to at least talk to their teacher again. Right then, Shiemi stood up triumphantly and Izumo and Paku soon followed. The last to rise was Rin, surprised in a good way by his friends' faith and desire to forgive his brother. Even if they weren't quite ready.

He repressed the urge to flip the teacher off. Barely.

The class moved as one, Ryuji being the one to open the door that would lead them to the hospital, where they would demand to see their teacher. He was more sick in the mind than anything, so seeing him wouldn't be terrible. And they knew he wouldn't hurt them. He was a good person, or at least good enough to not want to wish harm upon them.

They arrived and walked directly up to the front. Rin was now leading the party. The staff recognized him best; he was both famous and infamous in this city.

"We're here to see Okumura Yukio."

"Are you sure it's wise? He's only allowed three visitors at a time in his current residence."

Rin turned back to his friends, glancing between them.

Izumo spoke up. "Bon convinced us to come here. He should go with two people of his choice."

Konekomaru was shrunk beside Shima. He might want to forgive Yukio, but he wasn't brave enough to see him with only two others just yet.

Ryuji looked around. "Shiemi-san and Izumo-san, let's go."

Izumo looked surprised, but Shiemi looked pleased. The three of them made their way down the hall of the hospital to the room they'd been told the location of only a minute before.

But once they were there, they were disheartened a little.

Yukio looked dead inside, to them. His eyes were dark, his hands were clenched, and he sat as if he wanted to curl up in a ball but didn't want to.

"Yuki-chan!" Shiemi was the first to speak, in her cheery tone. She hadn't seen Yukio in a long, long time, and, despite his state, he was a sight for sore eyes.

"Okumura-sensei." Both Izumo and Ryuji followed her voice after with less enthusiasm, more reverence, and more pity.

Yukio looked at them, his expression bizarrely framed with a certain level of shock or surprise, and seemed to be attempting a smile.


	5. Life's A Bitter Game

I wasn't expecting anything. I didn't deserve anything anymore.

They gave me bread and water. And fruit, vegetables, and meat, too. They were humane. But I had given up on it. The life I had was stolen from others, from their support. It wasn't working for me. It didn't belong to me anymore.

When my students got there - Shiemi, oh god, Shiemi - I felt like my heart was breaking. Scratch that. It was broken. Past tense. Their faces. So glad to see me (wait, wasn't right now supposed to be their lessons?) when I couldn't look at them genuinely.

I'd cried too much recently. There were no more tears for me, and good thing. I didn't want Shiemi and Izumo and Ryuji and Paku and Koneko and Shima and Rin, never Rin, to see me that way.

"Yuki-chan!"

Shiemi's excited tones.

"Okumura-sensei."

A reverent way of speaking I should've lost the privilege of hearing.

"Shiemi-san, Suguro-kun, Izumo-san, it's good to see you." My voice was hoarse from lack of use, my smile forged and likely unnatural-looking. I would just try to pass this, tired as I was. "Have you been feeling better?" "How're they treating you in here?" "What's it like, not having anything to be doing?" As soon as I approached the window, which now was able to be opened with a handle on the outside, I was bombarded with questions.

"I'm alright. Alive." Maybe not for long, the way I saw it. The Vatican would probably be notified by somebody if I didn't improve fast. "They've treated me well enough. And it's not as relaxing as you'd think." I had expected a chuckle out of that, but more than anything it sobered the three of them up. I was surprised and a little hurt that Rin had neglected to come see me, but I couldn't blame him, really. At least Bon and Izumo - two I hadn't expected to see - had decided to pay a visit.

We had small talk for nearly an hour before I told them I needed to sleep. I was tired and had barely slept the last night, but I didn't actually need sleep. What I needed was to be alone.

All three of them waved goodbye to me, their reluctance to leave touching, but it made me flinch.

They were finally gone and I was alone.

I knew I was unmonitored by video, as that could be tampered with, edited, or stolen. Only human eyes were allowed to observe me.

That was their first mistake.

I watched as the guard shifts were changing. They moved almost robotically, in perfect accordance with the previous guard.

That was their second mistake.

I also saw that there was about a four-minute delay between guard shifts because they met in the middle, their perfect tandem allowing them to time one another's motions perfectly.

That was their third mistake.

It took those three mistakes for me to formulate a plan to get rid of the problems that I had cursed everyone with. To get rid of the root of all the issues. That root was me, but I didn't care. I was just so tired, and I didn't want anyone to be hurt by me ever again.

It was eighty minutes after the trio had left. Eighty one. Eighty one and ten seconds. Eighty one and fifteen seconds.

At eighty one and nineteen seconds exactly, the guard got up to leave. That was my cue. My flames burst out of me, surging my body with adrenaline but I was still in control. I would stay in control - I could do this if I moved quickly.

My hands, my claws that disgusted me to look at, dug into me. I punctured myself again and again, until my vision began to blur, my mind dulled, and my flames disappeared. I was on the floor now, bleeding. For a moment, I thought my blood was black. The irony in that made me want to laugh. Black blood spilling from the veins of Satan's youngest fledgling.

The last thing I heard was a voice. A feminine voice, but with a distinct ring of familiarity. I was blacking out a lot as people yelled at me, wasn't I?

"YUKIO!"


	6. I Told You So

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha sorry this took so long everyone.
> 
> Welcome to my Shura-centric chapter. Get ready for a lot of angst. Haha who am I kidding this entire fic is 200% angst.
> 
> Enjoy, friends. Probably slightly less sad than last chapter, no promises though.

Shura had spent two or three days trying to get her shit together around what’d happened with Yukio. She wasn’t talking to almost anyone because she didn’t know how she’d handle talking to people about the current bullshittery going on in her and the Okumuras lives. And everyone else around them. She was actually drinking. Like, what was drinking for her. Serious drinking. Actually, she had been downright drunk for over 24 hours. 

Now she was going to try and sober up specifically for the sake of the person she’d originally felt like falling apart because of. If there was a good way to do that. She was fighting to be normal for two more days. People asked her things and she remained on edge, but never said too much. Unless someone knew what was going on her mouth was sewn shut. 

She finally had decided to go back to see Yukio again. To talk to him seriously. They hadn’t been talking seriously before, the last time she’d been to see him, but she was sort of in shock. He probably had been too, now that she was thinking about it. It had been selfish of her to react in the way she had. But she’d also had to take in that, firstly, her friend was a demon. More demon than she’d expected. She’d always known that Rin had the flames. But the worst regarding Yukio in that matter was the occasional suspicion. She’d been suspicious when he skipped his checkups. She was right to. 

She had been fucking right. 

Now she was going back to see Yukio. To really see him, not just be there to pretend he was, and whatever demon was trying to replace him wasn't. She was coming to terms with his demonic self. 

Her feet carried her down the hospital, the True Cross hospital where Yukio was in all but solitary confinement. She moved as quickly as she could, but something looked…wrong. There wasn't a guard. In fact, the new one was coming in behind her. 

Now she knew what was wrong. Yukio was covered in blue, and his hands were coated in blood. Blood pooled. 

"YUKIO!" she screamed as she picked up the pace and resisted the urge to punch the guard. It was his job to protect Yukio, not dawdle and leave him alone. She ran to him and grabbed him, the fire of Satan already wisping away and leaving only an overheated Okumura and a slightly charred Kirigakure. She couldn't care less what happened to her right now. Yukio was damaged, not dying because of his infernal healing, and he looked awful. Especially with all his demonic appendages showing off more than ever. 

It took doctors too long to get there. Exorcists were along with them. Yukio looked pale, although his wounds had been closing. Shura had lifted him to the bed that was the only thing in the room besides the door and the window. She could understand going crazy in here. The room was tiny and, for all intents and purposes, empty. She didn’t, however, want to remember this as the last place she’d seen Yukio alive. That would just be too much. 

The doctors, instead of attempting to carry the boy whose body was quickly shifting back to a more human form - though still bearing the ears and teeth that marked him as a demon, began rolling the bed out and tried to move it somewhere else. Shura went after them, watching Yukio carefully. She wasn’t gonna let him be out of her sight, not when she couldn't trust anyone else in the damn building to look after him. 

It was another full 24 hours in which Shura was keeping as close to Yukio as possible before she was actually allowed to sit in his hospital room. She had made sure nothing had gone out yet, not even to Rin. This was staying here until she gave permission for it to go out. The Vatican knew because they knew every hospital interaction that went on. Especially when it had to do with the Okumuras. They were specifically requested to be monitored as closely as possibly. Any information such as an attempted suicide would be immediately routed to them. 

On the other hand, letting all the people who knew him wasn't going to help him be better. In all honesty, it’d probably make him worse. He didn’t want all the attention, everyone wanting to know what happened with him. Shura didn’t blame him. She knew they could both use a good long sleep right now. And he was certainly going to get plenty of that. 

It was then that Shura completely lost her cool. For a minute, she completely forgot about how she was feeling so bad for Yukio and understanding what he was going through. She took out one of her swords. Nothing special, just a small sword she rarely used for actual fighting. She raised it up in the air and began banging Yukio’s arm with the hilt. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she chanted. A guard rushed in to stop her, but she quickly lowered it. The weapon clattered to the floor with a shrill sound that echoed in the room. As she did, one of her hands grabbed onto Yukio’s, her free one covering her face. “Stupid four-eyes…why couldn’t you just talk to me…” A single trail of tears fell out of her eye and onto her cheek, dripping onto the hospital gown worn by Yukio. 

“Since when did you stop trusting me, Yukio? Since when did I stop being available to fucking help you, to be your goddamn friend? Since when did you just shut everything out instead of confiding in the person who was asked to protect you, dammit!” Her voice was alone a dull roar at this point. She couldn’t keep in her anger. But Yukio was just her target. She wasn’t angry at him. “Fujimoto asked me to take care of you and Rin if something were to happen to him, and now look at you. You didn’t get my help when you needed it the most! What’s the point? Why’re you doing this?” 

Her voice was like acid, but tears were falling harder now. Both her eyes, streaming between her fingers and with ugly droplets got Yukio’s side a little damp. She soon got ahold of herself. The guard was still looking suspiciously at her, but she was calming down. 

The sarcasm was palpable as she finished wiping her tears and jokingly punched his shoulder with a half-hearted smile. Very lightly. “Okumura Yukio, you are the absolute most idiotic exorcist I’ve ever had the displeasure of being friends with.”


	7. Broken Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brothers' reunion is not necessarily a joyous one.

Right now, what was happening? It was what I hadn’t expected to ever happen to me again. I was so sure of it, what I’d done. 

I was waking up. 

My senses were slowly waking up. First were my ears, my hearing, then the feeling of the sheets that were covering me. Then my vision slowly blurred in along with my sense of smell. I didn’t want to open my eyes. But I did, of course. My eyes slowly opened and I was suddenly completely aware of the room. The hearing through my pointed ears and the smells that were now fully processing combined reminded me as much as being in the bed and dressed as I was. I was in the hospital, likely alone because I was dangerous. I was a fucking menace to everyone I might care about because my mind was out of control and so were my flames. I was letting them out with less abandon than Rin. 

Rin. 

I wasn't gonna be able to look my brother in the eye. Not after all of this. I had berated him for months now, yet having the flames for not even a month I let myself get out of control. First kill someone, then nearly kill myself. Some role model. 

After about 10 minutes of being awake and laying still, a nurse walked in. I tried to sit up, finding I could move just fine. I expected to be at least a little hurt. Oh yeah, the whole accelerated healing thing. That wasn't going to work in what I was thinking of as my favor. 

The nurse stood near the head of the bed, holding a small clipboard and a tool to take blood pressure. "I'm going to just check on you, lay back and hold still." My mind tuned out and my body was all but completely limp as she monitored me and made sure I was functioning properly. 

Once she did I was alone again. I felt numb, my entire body was nothing. All I could experience was what was around me. It was disorienting, wrong, and I felt…just empty. Like I didn't even exist. It was wrong but I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge it. 

And then, naturally, the worst possible voice for me to hear. 

My brother. 

Would I try to fake being asleep? Would I just refuse to talk to him? How would I dull the blow this conversation was going to deal? 

"Yukio…" Ani's voice sounded so…tired. And saddened. Like everything that'd happened recently was weighing on him as much as it was me. 

I couldn't bring myself to say anything, just swallow and clench one of my fists. That reminded me how real everything was as my nails dug into my skin, just barely without breaking it. 

"I'm sorry I yelled before. I'm sorry I'm sorry. Don't hate me." 

He was worried about me hating him. He thought I'd tried to take my life to get away from him, didn't he? He thought that it was because of him that I hated myself and couldn't stand my own skin. Just more guilt for my shoulders to carry. 

"Nii-san don't…this doesn't have anything to do with you. It's my fault. I haven't been strong enough." 

"You don't have to be so strong and keep taking on everything by yourself. You're my little brother!" 

I swallowed again, my dry throat unhelped by the saliva rolling down it. For a moment I didn't, couldn't, reply. Rin didn't understand. He didn't know how much I had to take on the burdens of our family, of our adoptive father and of our mother and of he himself. "I am…but that doesn't make me any less responsible. I am responsible for you, and I can't hate you." 

This wasn't true, actually. I knew that I hated Rin. I always had, I'd resented him. But I loved my brother far more than I could hate him. My true hatred was reserved for myself. I hated myself infinitely more than I hated Rin or loved myself. 

I'd never tell him any of this, except perhaps the last part. Eventually. 

"Don't keep hiding away from the people who love you, Yukio! I just want to help, but all you do is hide from me!" 

"I'm not hiding from you. I'm just trying to protect you from me." 

"I don't need protecting anymore if I ever did." 

"Obviously you do. I'm still an exorcist and you're still just an exwire." My voice had grown stronger. I knew what I was saying now, and it wasn't just about me. 

"And who's fault is that?" 

He was playing that card. Of course. It was my fault that he wasn't allowed to cheat the rules and become an exorcist sooner. It was my fault that he had had his life endangered by the organization our father had devoted his life to before I had my own. 

"Nii-san, if you're done talking, I'd like to…to be alone." 

I saw Rin's face fall. He'd forgotten to be sad for a moment to argue with me, and now he remembered. 

"I'm going to be back. But I guess having me around isn't what you need right now."


End file.
